What is your definition of love?
I was reading one of the postings left on my blog (concerning the Top 10 Controversial Topics) and a friend of mine said that the reason why marriages aren't lasting is because people are giving up too easily. I somewhat agree...however, I think that a huge problem with marriage these days is that people have created an entirely different definition of LOVE, or maybe that different individuals define love differently from one another. To be honest...I think I've only been in love ONCE...and who knows..maybe I wasn't? Maybe I was telling myself I was so that I could prove something to myself? Or perhaps I was just a stupid, naive girl at the time? I don't know. I am not going to define love here on my blog..since I am not completely sure of it myself. I know that there is a difference between loving someone and being IN love...however, I can't say if I've been able to do both at the same time. What is your definition of love? Personally, I do not think it is a feeling one gets...but its an action one performs. I think today there is less of an emphasis on actions and more of an emphasis on that feeling u get when "in love." I see lots of my friends who are in these relationships....and its so obvious to the rest of the world that its not going to work...however, who are we to judge, right? Everyone wants to be in love these days...its like we're all on some timeline or something. Take your time...think it through....don't have children with someone you do not love (lol). Be careful what you wish you....be careful what comes out of your mouth...and be careful who you give your heart to....
sometimes its just not real....
12 Comments:
Well Anna here is what your best pooni friend thinks....
First of all, "Love" is a notion that the human race has invented for security and comfort reasons. There is no such thing. There is no way to define it, it is totally objective, and personally, I don't think it exists. I am not being a pesimist, I am honestly not, but ppl these days have notions about...
"..Oh I have found my soulmate and am soooo in love.." no no, see what that translates to is that they have settled for the closest person to them that is willing to put up with their nerosies.
People like to tell themselves they are in love so that they can move faster in relationships. So that they have an excuse to have sex early, because someone told them that they need to be in love to do sexual things. Well, to those ppl, I hate to tell you, but you just made up a feeling and notion that is called love to go through with your horny and biological needs.
Well, there is my opinion. To me, it is a ridiculous notion, and I don't know if I will ever sucumb to the notion.
Luv ya babe!
xooxo
Ok, I have to clarify that I meant subjective, not objective. I am drunk off wine, so I am entitled to being wrong.
Just wanted to clarify that.
Also.... love sux.
xoxo
Alouzen,
I wouldn't change it "Annie's Philosophy Corner" because I don't consider all of my questions to be philosophical in nature. Many of them are sociological and even psychological in nature, and even just plain psycho! But thats me. As for me asking the "difficult" questions...well, I think people know that I am not the easiest of people! :) But thats why u all love me!!!! (whatever that may mean!) haha.
cheers!
Alouzen,
I wouldn't change it "Annie's Philosophy Corner" because I don't consider all of my questions to be philosophical in nature. Many of them are sociological and even psychological in nature, and even just plain psycho! But thats me. As for me asking the "difficult" questions...well, I think people know that I am not the easiest of people! :) But thats why u all love me!!!! (whatever that may mean!) haha.
cheers!
Love is an emotion we have created and marketed as a society. Society has a distorted definition and vision of love. Why is it this so? Television. I'm not saying people live their lives according to what they see on T.V...oh wait, yea they do. Nevermind. I've been in love. How do I know? Sacrifice. I compromised my happiness for the happiness of the other person. I compromised my happiness in my actions, and emotions, and I compromised on my pre-established "rules". I guess love is really wanting/caring more about the other person, more than you want/care for yourself.
Well, since I love shauny right now, and am 'in love' with him as well, i do believe in it. Its just like i love my mother, my grandmother and my brother (even though he can be an ass!) I love my best friends. Seriously, i love u guys so much.
Love is when you go through ups and downs with ppl. And I agree with the compromise aspect and the sacraficing. You can grow with a person, emotionally, and your love can also therefore grow. It can change as well. Shaun and I had our 'lusty' phase, but that is over for the most part (not that i don't wanna bang him, cuz i do!) but we don't have that desperate, highschool-like need to be with eachother every waking second!
Sarah, I honestly think ur being really pesimistic. And when I hear this coming from a very loving person, it saddens me! I don't think love has been created by advertisers (what about when tv didn't exist?!) although they do try to capitalize on it.
Love is knowing what makes your partner tick, what makes them happy/sad, what they have done in the past and what they would like to accomplish in the future. It's wanting to be there with them in times of joy and especially in times of pain. Love is a pretty simple concept. I think people forget about the original love that God gives us, and wants us to give to those around us: Unconditional Love.
Its that same love that your dog gives you when you walk in the door, even if you repremanded him in the morning. It's the same love you give to your child in the hospital after they crashed your sports car. Its the same love you give to your dying parent you haven't seen in 10 years. It is the purest form of love and comes naturally to human beings. That's why we r so fabulous. Why should it be so difficult of a concept to give that kind of love to your significant other?
Why would anyone say that love is not real? Or a made up notion? Hate is real, and is so easy to feel. Why should love be so much harder? Isn't it better to love more people than to hate? Why would you not want to love anyone? If only this world had more love, we wouldnt be having huge wars.
Also, saying that people create the notion of love simply to have sex is ludacris. People can have sex whenever they want! It's the new millenium! Sorry to bust your balls on this one Sarah, but love is beautiful. Its butterflies, flowers, a kiss, sacrafice, tears, joy, sex, respect, compromise, honesty, marriage, passion and should be unconditional. I hope that you, along with everyone in the whole world choses to partake in this amazing emotion that allows us to be human (and be proud of it)!
As Ewen McGreggor sings in Moulin Rouge: "love is a many splendid thing, love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love".
xoxoxtina
Christina,
I absolutely agree with you. Yes, love is absolutely what makes us "human," and I think that we are able to love someone truly and fully. However, I think that the way we are built is that we love someone because we are getting something more out of it than we think. Like, for example, when an ex boyfriend of mine told me he loved me after just one month of dating..i was sooo surprised..cause i was NOT ready to love him back like that. However, a few days later (after much thought) i told him i DID love him (and i think i did so because i loved him enough for just loving me). And I can truly say i did love him for who he was...so much that it hurt sometimes. But look at me now. I no longer love him that way...and he has nothing to offer me anymore. If love is unconditional...then why don't i still love him? I don't think anyone has the right to accuse me of not being "in love" or not having loved him at all...cause God knows I did. But the fact that it came to the point where I realized that he wasn't offering me what i truly NEEDED then i started to love him less and less.
The problem is that love is a feeling that can be increased or decreased. I can love someone now..but love them more 5 years from now (because I'm so used to them..and its the familiarity principle that plays a role)...or I can love them less 5 years from now because they are no longer the same person they used to be. Unfortunately, I think many people love out of obligation as well. I know I did. I think to love someone is definetely to care for them...and to want the best for them...but what makes me love one person over another is whats daunting. I mean, you're right Wilson, people should love more...but the fact that we don't...just goes to show something. We love whats ours..and ours only.
Don't confuse "being in love", with "loving someone". There's a difference. You can't stop being IN love with a person, but it doesn't mean you stop "loving that person"...I don't know, don't listen to me, im an idiot.
All right, its time for me to wade into this most interesting question… I think that love is necessarily reciprocal. As the last commenter said, there is a difference between being in love, and loving someone, but there is also a difference between complete love and any other type of love. In my view, love is necessarily something which passes between two people, or a person and an object. It is a relation, and not merely a thing that is possessed. In that way, for love to be complete, it must be returned. That is to say, the object loved must have the capability to return affections, to the best of its ability. If it is not capable of doing that (if it does not have freewill) then it cannot be loved. Hence, I can ‘love’ my pet rock, but the love I have for my pet rock is a one way relation; that love passes from me to it, and stays there. In the same way, I can have feelings of love for my girlfriend or wife, but they are meaningless (or at least hollow), unless she is able to choose to accept them, and once she has accepted them, she returns a feeling of a similar nature.
This is not to say that love is only manifested in this way. No, I think something can be said for the Greek words for love, all of which mean different things. Eros is erotic love, and it is a conditional love: it depends on the other person’s physical response to affection for it to be considered love in the first place. If the other person does not respond, or objects, then that is rape or sexual assault, and that certainly would not be considered love. Storge is the love that is had for family members and siblings. This is obviously not erotic (or at least for most of us its not), and it generally exists in some form regardless of the circumstances. Certainly people will say they ‘hate’ their family, depending on the situation, but at the end of the day, if there is the chance for reconciliation, most will take it. Philia is love that passes between friends. Often, this love is conditional as well. Aristotle tells of three different kinds of friendship, the friend of pleasure, the friend of utility and the true friend. Certainly philia is the kind of love that binds all three types of friendship together, but its likely more evident in the friend of utility. I love my friend, but it is not a binding love. Rather it is motivated by usefulness, in some capacity of one friend to the other. The saying goes, ‘friends come and go’, but while they are there, they mean something to you. The final Greek word for love is agape. This love is what is commonly known as unconditional. It exists in so far as I care for someone or something, regardless of their knowing of my love, of their reactions to my love, or their feelings to my love, or so it is thought. Now what is interesting is that this unconditional love is not really unconditional. It is contingent upon the other person being able to accept or reject it. It is impossible for me to have unconditional love for my pet rock, because my pet rock has no feeling whatsoever. I am limited in my love for my rock in a very real way: it cannot ever know or experience my love, or say anything about it. I would even go as far as to say that this so-called unconditional love is conditional upon its acceptance. Think about it. If I come up to person X in a repeated manner, continually seeking to show my love for person X, but person X is not interested in receiving why gifts or affections, yet, I persist… That is what we commonly refer to as stalking. It is unwanted affection. Even the greatest, selfless and most giving form of love is contingent upon it being wanted or received.
To conclude my long winded exposition of this thing called love (of which I do not claim to be an expert): I believe love to be found somewhere, in varying degrees in all three forms of the above Greek ideas of love. But mostly, I think love is the selfless giving of one’s self for the sake of another, and when viewed in relation with another human being, the beloved’s choice to give selflessly to the sake of the lover. In this way the conditions of unconditional love are met, there is reciprocity, and both people in the relationship are built up and made better people, according to the strengths and weaknesses of the couple in question. I hate to go quoting the Bible all the time, but quite frankly, I think Christ put it best when he said this “Greater love hath no ‘man’ than this, than that he lay down his life for his friends.”
Peter,
To quote you "Even the greatest, selfless and most giving form of love is contingent upon it being wanted or received." Even I can be the most hopeless romantic out there...however, I am also a realist (this DOESN'T make me a pessimist) and I absolutely agree with you here. I mean, even if you love your pet rock (who doesn't love you back) you are loving it for some odd pleasure that you get out of the pet rock...not because you simply "love" it...unconditionally. Good work Peter!
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